Where is Atlantis?

Birthdays!

2005-10-04T13:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Jenny and Curtis!!

DTR

2005-10-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

It's quite funny how polite dinner conversation can spur serious discussions on important matters, new jokes, and far too little homework for an evening. Thank you to everyone who participated.

What are you?

2005-10-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

hug from behind - you like to feel what the other
person is feeling and see things how they see
them. you tend to be serious and emotional.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

What's going on in my life right now?

2005-09-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

To answer: some pretty crazy, good stuff. God is so abundant in blessing I pray that I will learn to be faithful and trust Him when His blessings are more hidden.

If you want to know what's going on, feel free to ask me in person, I'm happy to talk about it. I don't think it's the kind of thing I'd put online though...

God is good.

2005-09-13T01:31:00.000-07:00

Let's leave it at that.

Family Legacy

2005-09-09T18:18:00.000-07:00

Please pray for my sister, she is applying to Law school this week.

Taken from my sister's latest Xanga post:

"According to CNN: "President Bush says that the race for the second vacant spot on the Supreme Court is 'wide open'".
OOOHHHHH PICK ME PICK MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"

Someday Sis! I hope you know how proud I am of you.

Our great hope

2005-09-08T14:44:00.000-07:00

"If [our natural experiences] vanish in the risen life, they will vanish... not as a candle flame that is put out but as a candle flame which becomes invisible when someone has pulled up the blind, thrown open the shutters, and let in the blaze of the risen sun."
-CS Lewis, Transposition

Thoughts... what more can I say?

2005-09-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

I feel I ought to post, and yet I don't know what to say.

I am so very thankful for the many good conversations God has provided lately. I am also thankful for the times of quiet and simply being together that can mean so much more than words.

Even though I am very often not around, know that I love you and am praying for you, especially if you have told me something that I can pray for.

God is teaching me something this semester. I can't put it into words, though many words may speak of how He has been teaching me... I don't know if I ever will.

Thank you

2005-09-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

Thank you Lord, for good friends and good talks. Thank you for the way you turn these little islands floating in a great sea into real people who care and take the time to listen. Forgive me for thinking so often that I am wasting my time- teach me to make every moment count. Lord, teach me to cut out all the little talks that mean nothing and replace them with far fewer meaningful ones. Forgive me for organizing my own time so often, and never letting you take control as I should. Forgive me for the pain that I cause you when I turn from your face. Do the same with my thoughts too Lord, let every prayer and every waking moment last longer because of the focus that I turn to you. Time doesn't move, but our perception of each moment does. Lord, teach me to make the most of every moment (there- an example of a cliché that is true or good). Thank you Lord, you are infinitely good and I do not have words to speak, yet you know everything. Thank you. Thank you for friends, for roommates, for family, for pets, for professors, for groups, for those who rest in no category. Thank you for your voice, always calling, even if I rarely listen as I ought. Thank you Lord.

There and back again

2005-08-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Virginia- I left saturday at 5am. I think that this was one of the most amazing weekends of my life. I will post a few pictures soon (though maybe next week). I will be paying for this all week with hard work to keep up but it was totally worth. I keep thinking about all the times in my life that I have avoided opportunities like this for the sake of my own comfort and keeping myself in my own bubble. Parties missed, relationships drifted, and an easier life that was no better.

Remember, nothing good comes easy. I find that the more I learn and grow in God, the more the old cliches don't sound so cliche anymore. I think they are cliche because they meant something, because cynicism took over. This has been simultaneously the best and most challenging year of my life. God is good and works through everything, but if you are not open to what He is doing, things happen alot slower and more miserably.

This weekend I truly got to get out of the Biola bubble for the first time since entering it. I really don't count Berkeley, living with missionaries or my family getting out of it, because they are all still of the same stock in some way shape or form. Biola has opened my mind to the many kinda of believers there are out there. We are at many different levels of faith and practice, but what matters is that we are all on the same side in the end.

A warning to y'all- don't mistake a lesser knowledge of the Bible or our faith than you have now since being at Biola for an unbeliever. It is hard to believe in what similar shows we were in not long ago (or at least I was).

I got to see old friends and make some new ones, met many believers (they have been coming out of the woodwork like termites since I have stopped trying to "witness" (ie- convince others that the way I have been taught a christian looks like is the only way) and started merely being transparent about my motivations and the very source of my being. I don't know if I will be able to do a more detailed report on the wedding than this, but y'all are probably not interested in some stranger's wedding ;).

I am overflowing with thanks to God for His goodness this weekend. I would ask for two prayer requests:

1) For Brad and Debra, the new happy couple, that God would give them a solid foundation on Him and also give them strength to support each other in the coming struggles.

2) I was hit with some news from my best friend on the way home, I ask that you would pray for her, she needs it right now.

Thank you.

Back to Normal... and thoughts on spiritual discernment

2005-08-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

In normal news:
Life is much better now. Seeing all these old friends has become a joy rather than a chore now that everything has slowed down for a bit. I am grateful for good talks with good friends. It is easy to forget about these precious moments (yes, haha) when everyone is speaking for less than 2 seconds at a time.

Going back to church was great, I forgot how much of a family they were to me. I am so excited about this coming year, both in school and there.

I applied for a job as a Greek tutor today as well, I made a stupid mistake on my application that I think was done to remind me of the fact that if I get the job it is not for any merit of my own but for God. Does anyone have any suggestions as to a good person to ask for a second reference for? Do you think it would be a faux pax to ask one of the tutors? Especially because it would not be my mentor because my old one is not there and I don't think my new one knows me well enough yet.

In pondering news:

Have you every felt like you could tell what God wanted you to do just by a sense? I know that a lot of work goes into discerning God's will: such as prayer, reading His word, getting trusted advice and the circumstances. On the other hand, it seems like sometimes you just get a feeling that something should or should not be done completely apart from these things (not contrary to them, just without seeking- but usually they have come at a time of prayer).

I will give a few examples:

1) My first experience with this happened over easter break last year. I was falling asleep at home in Brooklyn and suddenly had the idea to create a curriculum based on the Hermeneutics course I was taking for the Junior high Awana group I work with. This ended up working very well as a project for the class, though I am not sure if we will use it for these kids right now. Either way, I know that the idea did not come from me in the least bit, yet it was exactly what was needed.

2) The next example is even more direct. During Torrey Berkeley I had a dream. I don't remember all the details now (I wrote them down in my journal). I dreamed that I was falling asleep and God gave me an idea for a program to help busy mothers. I don't know where that will go yet but it was strange because it seemed like God actually gave me a dream to tell me something. This is the most unexplainable (or at least improbable to myself) time this has happened.

3) While I was in Denver I had been memorizing the praises in Revelation (something I think God told me to do at Berkeley as well) and felt like it was time to stop, even though I had about 5 left. Then I strongly felt, completely out of the blue, that I needed to go through another book of the Bible like I did with John last year. I then thought that it should be Romans. I began unquestioningly, and now after some time (I am not in chapter 7) I am beginning to see some amazing unforseeable reasons for it.
First, it is one of the books we read for Torrey Bible this semester. Second, it is the cornerstone of Luther and Calvin's theologies and we read those as well. Third, Romans has been woven throughout all the Torrey books we read this semester as well. Finally, something I have personally struggled with, which I may post on in the future, which is the nature and the place of both the Jewish people now as a whole and for myself as a Jewish believer, is thoroughly addressed in this book.

Now, I can see the value of these things. On the other hand, I wonder how much I should question some. I also felt like I was beginning to sense spiritual powers. This is the weird part, especially because I have been raised in a pretty conservative theologically home. I didn't want to write or speak of this at home because I didn't want to make something worse.
When I was younger I read alot of horror stories that I wasn't allowed to read. I was plagued by fears of my own home, especially my own bedroom, for years. I am afraid that I "invited" something less than good into my life through that venue. Later, in my sophomore year, things went very downhill for me. I was depressed, had chronic migraines and spiralled downward. One of the things that helped break that was a move away from this home. My family moved to Connecticut to give me a new start.
I have thought for a long time that the time I was in Connecticut was a time for me to be punished by being kept away from the home, school and life that I loved. Returning to my childhood home for the first substantial period of time in 3 years opened my eyes to the possibility that I was being attacked. I think that I invited this into my home and life and when I was weak by ignoring God it took advantage. God has worked it to amazing good and I know that there is no longer power over me- but when I was home I felt like I was again attacked.
I had a weekend at home alone the first weekend there. I was scared of the huge empty house, preyed on by fears that I had not had since I was little. I was also kept from going out and living by being terribly sick (like, 24 hour stomach virus) that weekend, at the same time that the phones stopped working, the internet stopped working and my sister had my cell phone. I don't like to think about spiritual forces, but the freedom I felt at realizing what was going on was amazing. I knew that God would protect me.
On the other hand, I also felt (because of thinking about those books I used to read) that maybe reading Harry Potter wasn't something I should do. This goes long back to not being allowed to read them until I was 18. I was overcome with temptation to read the latest book, even though I felt like God was telling me not to. I don't know what it would have done, but at the least it would have distracted me from the task at hand, which was reading Torrey books. I don't think it was a problem with Harry Potter itself, but rather with the matter of being obedient. I will probably end up reading, but I don't know.

Well, if you have gotten this far, I would appreciate your thoughts on this subject.
Thanks,

Jen.

Home sweet home... right?

2005-08-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

I'm back at college, moved in for a week, had an awesome time working with freshman orientation and have a wonderful roommate. The rest of the returning students came back today, the lobby crew is back together! So why am I so far from excited?

I have known for a long time that I hate goodbyes, but now I am discovering that I hate hellos too. I am thrilled to have everyone back, but I think I have a picture in my head of what it is like to be here at Biola and the transition isn't part of it.

This happened to me when I came back from spring break last year after having a wonderful time at home: I feel like I can only live in one world at once, and it takes quite a while to adjust when I move between them. This results in self-pity that in very unnecessary and an inclination to hide from the world. Seeing as I haven't posted in 3 months and most people don't know about this blog anyway, I just thought I'd put that out there.

I am excited about this new year with great friends and great classes, nervous about new responsibilities and job/school applications, and I pray that God will change me and teach me more about living in His will every moment (more on that in a later post).

As for a summer update: Berkeley was amazing, Denver was a challenge, and Mexico was probably the entire reason that God had made me interested in architecture (which is funny, because it was the part of the trip I was least psyched about). It was great to be home, I got reading done, spent time with family, went to a staff conference and saw old friends, and restarted a friendship with a friend I haven't spoken to in 5 years.

God has been so good to me, I am so thankful and I do not deserve it. I have yet to write my update letter for this summer, what with the insane business of the entire thing and these being my first 3 free days in 3 months. Once I write it I will post it here as well. Thank you for your prayers, if any of those who prayed for me this summer is reading this- God definitely answered them.

Goodbye for now!

2005-05-29T20:43:00.000-07:00

Well I have posted this here and on Xanga, but I am going to Torrey Berkeley tomorrow and I think I will take a break from my computer for these 3 weeks. If you need me (or just want to say hi) you have my cell number (which you should have if you know me or are on Jace's summer list).

I hope that you are all having a wonderful summer and that you have gotten home safe. It has been an amazing year getting to know you. I love you all very much and you will be in my prayers. I may get to check bubbs occasionally but I may not.

I would appreciate your prayers for the summer: that Berkeley would be a good learning experience, that support would come in for my trips to Denver and Mexico, and that when I go there that it would go well, that I could learn alot and be of use. Thank you so much!

Jen (signing off)

I have the most amazing parents ever!

2005-05-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

I haven't mentioned it before, but I have been really stressed in trying to finish work for the year, pack, read for Berkeley, and prepare for my trip this summer by sending out support letters. I happened to mention this to my parents when they asked me to schedule yet another thing and I kind of broke down on them.

This morning my mom calls and tells me that my dad had suggested that they could send out my support letters in order to release me from some of this pressure. I have already written the letter and was only waiting to try and find time to get materials and send them out. This is an amazing blessing and I can't honestly believe that they are doing this for me. (My parents are missionaries who have been doing this for almost 30 years and have always stressed the importance of me doing this for myself, which I have always done in the past)

Thank you Lord for unexpected grace!

I've crossed over to the dark side

2005-05-21T02:46:00.000-07:00

And I've only seen Star Wars once! I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this yet, just yielding to peer pressure for now.